The fact that we even allow these people to test skis for us is ridiculous, bordering on criminal. It’s a realization borne of reading this selection of sick tester comments, pulled from a selection of even sicker tester comments that we’re probably legally barred from sharing with you (sick meaning disgusting, not sick meaning cool, by the way).
But we appreciate our testers for lending our reviews a little spice. Here’s a tasty platter of 10 outrageous tester comments. Subscribe here to see the all the reviews and tester comments in the 2014 Gear Guide.
“This is the Miss America of mid-fat powder skis.” —Madison Gilmore, Atomic Century
“I would let the Faction Candide 3.0 marry my sister.” —Jason Layh, Faction Candide 3.0
“I folded this ski like a lawn chair.” —Jay Prentiss, Armada TST
“These skis make me feel like a modern day Wayne Wong!” —Hedda Peterson, DPS Nina 99
“I like my skis like I like my margaritas… stiff!” —Madison Gilmore, Dynastar Cham W’s 97
“The Norwalk plowed through crud like a fat kid eating mashed potatoes.” —Mindy “Cupcake” Mulliken, Armada Norwalk
“It’s kind of like a bottle of Cuervo. It’s not my favorite bottle of tequila, but if it was the last bottle of tequila I’d sure as shit drink it.” —Bobbi Reyes, Faction Supertonic
“The combination of a wide open snow field, 13 inches of fresh and the Norwalk gave me the world’s stiffest boner, and I don’t even have a penis.” —Marla Bailey, Armada Norwalk
“After a few turns over untouched Utah powder in the trees on these skis, my headache (the result of beermingos, dirty girl scouts and pink drink) was gone.” —Madison Gilmore, K2 Remedy 102
“Dear Diary, I don’t say this often, but I get a special feeling when Jason strokes his twin Mohawk hair plugs.” —Kaki Orr, the twin Mohawk hair plugs